Caged Thoughts
by Sparrowinsky
Summary: The sequel to Winter Syndrome. Now Willow is the evil adversary-- and Tara's only source of human contact. Tara's POV.


**Title:** Caged Thoughts   
**Author:** Haisley   
Sequel to Winter Syndrome. What if Willow's messing about with darker magic hadn't been noticed in time? Please forgive inaccuracies, I've only seen about four episodes since Wrecked... If I get a few good reviews on Winter Syndrome and this, I may make it a trilogy with a story from Spike...perhaps, perhaps not. I'm not bribing, just saying I probably wouldn't write it unless someone was interested in reading it. :)   
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Shock, surprise.

* * *

Was it worth it, Willow? I know you can hear me. I know you're there, listening. You can't help it, can you?   
  
Yeah, that's it. Yes, Willow, you never can resist, can you? I can bring you out every time.   
  
You know, Willow, you don't scare me anymore. You used to, when I had a body I could move, when we were both on the same ground, but in here, this is my territory, and you can't hurt me. No matter what you do. You know that, don't you? You can feel it just as I can.   
  
And don't think I don't know how often you listen in to my thoughts. It hurts that I've changed so much, that I'm so lost because of you. I can't touch anything but the darkness, now. It's here, just like you are, exactly the same: I can't see either, but I always know it's there...I always know you're there.   
  
I wonder if the darkness is really just you. Have you fallen that far, Willow, to have such a presence of evil?   
  
Why don't you let me wake up, Willow? You know it would hurt them so much more, to see me, to hear me, to know this new me as you do. No, no, I wasn't suggesting it. I'm not that far gone. I would never hurt them. I'm just wondering, you know, because if I thought of it, surely you must have. I know I'm not the same. The other day-- or week, or year, I wish you'd give me some sense of time-- I was trying to remember some spells. Simple spells, hardly anything, just bits to help nourish, to help heal. I can't remember any of them. I remember the big spells, and I remember everything I ever did after I met you, even things I'd forgotten, but my life before is fading. Is that you, Willow? Are you doing that, or is it me, stuck inside here with nothing to remind me, and so I forget?   
  
Oh...oh, so you're scared, now? Is it fear I feel?   
  
Yes. You are.   
  
Don't play, Willow, I can feel it. Maybe you messed up this spell, did you ever think of that? I think I know which one you used, there were only a few you could have, and they should only be one-way. And you, the wicked witch of Sunnydale, you're scared. Of little old Tara who was so frightened of your power, who was never half as strong? But you're not as strong, either, without me, are you? No, you wouldn't be. You are so powerful, Willow Rosenberg, you are so strong, but you'll never be as good without someone to focus you. Rack doesn't, he can't, he can only take your power like he has so many others. Is it anything like when Glory hurt me, Willow? Does he rape your power from you, rip it out of your soul like he tried to do to Dawn, or do you give it to him? Do you enjoy it? How does it feel to be the submissive one? It's different, isn't it? I remember how you used to take just the littlest bit from me, whenever we touched, whenever we kissed, whenever we made love. Just a sliver, barely any, and I justified it, because, after all, I was your map, I was the source of direction for your magic, wasn't I? And aren't I still? Why else would you keep me like this, and stay so close, always?   
  
Oh...I see.   
  
That makes more sense, then. If things weren't so bad, it would be kind of gratifying. So you think I am how you can hurt them most. That's nice. Better than the truth, I suppose. What? What do you mean, what do I mean? You don't know? Oh, no, Will, I won't give it to you. You'll have to take it; I'll never give you anything again.   
  
I can't stand this. As much as I hate you, more than I thought I could hate anyone, it's better having you to talk at then being all alone inside my mind. It feels like I'm in a little cage, so small the bars are pressing into me on all sides, and I never eat or drink and I can't _breathe_...   
  
I wish I could send them a message, somehow.   
  
.....   
  
No.   
  
Thanks for the offer, but I don't mean _your_ type of message, Willow...I'm not inclined towards decapitation.   
  
I wonder, sometimes- why us? Why, of everyone who knew, did you leave us? Who were you after, in the long run? Dawn, Spike, me. Me, Spike, Dawn. It doesn't really make a lot of sense. Then why would I expect it to? I don't really understand you anymore.   
  
Dawn changed, too, you know. Someone hurts her friends, now, she just gets mad. She wasn't like that when it started, back then she just cried and cried...but when Rack tried to take whatever it is that makes up the Key, that 'swirly green stuff' that she hated being, she broke. You know, you were there. I could hardly see anything, between being blasted against a wall- or was it a headstone, I don't remember- and you catching my magic and my mind, I didn't really see what was happening until Dawn threw him back. That must have startled you, Willow, because you left lackeys, you left mere minions, to destroy us. Dawn scares you, doesn't she? Dawn scares me. She sleeps with me, I can feel it sometimes. When she touches me I feel flashes of her thoughts, tumbled in with the warmth of her body next to me. She's powerful. Caught somewhere between Slayer blood and pure energy. She loves me, you know. More than you ever did, more than you ever will.   
  
The only one she doesn't scare is Spike, which is good, because I think he'd wait for the sun outside if she weren't there for him. That is, assuming the sun ever comes out from behind the clouds, anyway. Really, Willow, did you read The Lion, The Witch, And the Wardrobe a few too many times? This snow... it's been done before. And better.   
  
.....   
  
You even look like the Queen, the few times I've seen you. Yes, you do, you know it. I suppose it must amuse you, to let me see through your eyes when you look in a mirror. The hair-- you changed it, didn't you, it didn't used to be that horrible bloody color...it was sweet, before, Will.... that pale skin, the eyes... the eyes are the worst, Willow. I miss your eyes. I miss your eyes, and I miss your clothing. Basic black doesn't suit you... you used to look so loverly, so pretty and sweet...   
  
I don't understand, sometimes, how this ever could have happened.   
  
You're a villain, Will, you've got the role. You've got power, you've got strength, isn't that what you wanted? I suppose I should have felt that from the beginning. You've always wanted power of some kind.   
  
No.   
  
No…   
  
Willow, it won't work.   
  
Fine, what do I know? Go right ahead, get yourself whipped into the next dimension. I don't know why you bothered to tell me, after all, you never listen to me when I tell you your plans won't work. Have you noticed I tend to be right?   
  
_Willow_, come on, I was just telling it like it is. If you bothered to listen, you wouldn't lose so many minions. Why? I don't know....   
  
No.   
  
No.   
  
_WILLOW_!   
  
All right, all right, it's because I think you're still there, that some part of you is the Willow that I fell in love with even if you never loved me really and maybe if I help you you'll figure out that hurting people who care_(d)_ about you you'll come back and please oh please, please, please stop it I can't _breathe_!   
  
Willow?   
  
...Willow? Come back, please, I need you...it hurts it does you've made your point but please come back oh god Willow there's no room please it's all pressing in on me Willow Willow Willow I'm so scared...   
  
_Fini_. 


End file.
